[Laura_x]

here you can add some jokes, of course in English

A little American girl woke up one morning. She went to the kitchen. And there she saw a man, who was wearing shorts and looking for something in the fridge. She approached and asked:
- Oh, are you our new babysitter
And he answered:
- Nah, I'm your new motherfucker

[Laura_x]

Mother gave Johnny 50 dollars and told him:
-I give you the last money we have, go tothe shop and buy something to eat.
So, Johnny went out home. When he was walking along the street, he saw a toy shop. There was a big teddy bear on a shop-window. He bought this toy and went back home. When his mother saw, what Johnny has just bought, she yelled and shopted:
-I told you to bou FOOd, not a toy! Go back to the shop, give back this toy and buy something to eat.
Johnny went out home, but he did not go to the shop. He went to his neightbour. When he went into the bedroom, he saw neightbvour with her lover in bed. At the same time, someone knocked at the door. So, Lisa (neightbour) told Johnny and the lover to hide in wardrobe. When they were in the wardrobe, Johnny whispered to Lisa's lover:
-Buy this teddy bear.
-No, I won't buy it.
-Buy it, or I'll be shouting.
So, lover bought the teddy bear. And after that, Johnny whispered again:
-Give me back my teddy bear.
-No, I won't.
-Give me, or I'll be shopting.
And this situation happened again, ang again, and again. Johnny earned ;P a lot of money.. He went to the shop and bought the best food. He went back home. When his mother saw, hwat Johnny has bought, she swore:
-Johnny, what the hell have you done? you must have stolen it! Go to the church and confess yourself.
So, Johnny went to church. He found the confessional, and he knelt. He told to priest:
-I have come with the case of a teddy bear.
And the priest replied:
-Up yours, I dont' have any more money




I've got another one:
-Hello, are you there?
-Yes, who are you please?
-I'm Watt.
-What's your name?
-Watt's my name.
-Yes, what's your name?
-My name is John Watt.
-John what?
-Yes, are you Jones?
-No, I'm Knott.
-Will you tell me your name then?
-Will Knot.
-Why not?
-My name is Knott.
-Not what?
-Not Watt, Knott.
-What?

[Davo]

Funny.

[John Beak]

First one: lol
Second one: Hu is the new leader of China.

Hu is the new leader of China
Starring: George W. Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Yassir Arafat, Kofi Annan
Created by: Sergiu Hart

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

Wanna listen?

[Laura_x]

What did the ghost shake at the party?
Her boOoOo-ty
Who was the ghosts favorite former UN Secretary General?
BoOoOo-trous BoOoOo-trous Ghali

What disease frightens ghosts the most?
BoOoOo-bonic Plague

What do ghosts use to make beef or chicken broth?
BoOoOo-llion cubes

What sound do crying ghosts make?
BoOoOo-hoo

What was the ghosts favorite TV show?
BoOoOo-ffy the Vampire Slayer

Who was the ghosts favorite conservative intellectual?
William F. BoOoOo-ckley

What’s the difference between girl ghosts and boy ghosts?
BoOoOo-bies

Who was the ghost's favorite crooner?
Pat BoOoOo-ne

What sound do ghost bombs make?
BoOoOo-m

[John Beak]

And Ghost Floors?

[Laura_x]

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her pet, a male parrot. The woman was very proud of her parrot because it would sit in the bottom of its cage, cross its wings, and pray. She was also a devout church goer and would often brag to the congregation about her faithful parrot.
One day the women was boasting about her parrot's prayers. An older gentleman was simply amazed by this. ''I have a female parrot and she's just terrible. My son raised her and all she does is curse. She's the most foul mouthed creature I've ever heard,'' he sighed. ''Maybe if we put my parrot with your parrot he would teach mine how to pray and stop cursing so much.''

The woman readily agreed to this and a few days later the gentleman brought his parrot by. The woman's parrot sat praying in the bottom of the cage as they placed the female inside with him. The parrot instantly stopped praying, hopped up, looked the female over and shouted, ''Hot damn!! This is what I've been praying for!!''

[petr]

http://uncyclopedia.org/
...


http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Poland - for polish - very funny...

[Jankov]

Religion: islam, sect of priest Rydzyk, paganism, duckism True ?
Official language: Esperanto, Chinese

[Vinyanov]

Three blind mice walk into a bar.

...

They are unaware of their surroundings, so it would be irresponsible to derive humour from their predicament.